The Science of Habits
Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, states that “40% to 45% of what we do every day sort of feels like a decision, but it’s actually habit.” With so much time spent carrying out habits, why not improve the habit or make it more in line with our goals. When we have a bad habit, or similarly, a negative thought pattern, we can’t just tell it to go away. It has to be replaced. This concept made an lasting impression on me. I learned it in a study by Beth Moore called Breaking Free. She talks about negative scripts that we habitually replay in our minds. Something has to fill the space that the thought occupied She made the lesson really simple by describing it as “putting up new wallpaper”. It turns out that habits are the same. It is better to find a new routine to go through, instead of just trying to quit the habit. James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits, An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones, says that the new habit should “provide a similar benefit” to the bad habit that you are replacing. Hey, whether you are a very organized person or not you have certain routines that keep you on track. We also have habits for success, like saving money, investing etc. So what is the science behind creating a new habit? First, it helps to take a quick look inside ourselves. Thinking of how you respond to expectations helps in goal setting.Happiness Habits
Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project explains ways to approach making new habits based on your way of looking at expectations or rules. She describes 4 ways people respond to expectations. I found it helpful and insightful. She simplifies the concept by categorizing people by questions we ask ourselves when we wake up in the morning.How We Respond to Expectations
- If you are what Rubin calls an upholder, you like knowing expectations. You respect and appreciate the expectations of others as well as expectations for yourself. Rubin say that as an upholder, you may wake up in the morning and think “what is on the to do list today?”
- Next, Rubin talks about Questioners. As a questioner, you are ok with expectations and rules, but you may question why things need to be done a certain way or why they need to be done at all. If you don’t agree with a rule you won’t follow it. “If it makes no sense or seems to serve no purpose, the questioner ignores the expectation”. Rubin says that a questioner wakes up thinking “what needs to be done today”?
- The third type of response to expectations is the rebel. Rebels don’t like rules from others or from themselves. They wake up thinking “what do I want to do today”? So if you are a rebel, just the idea of making a habit might irritate you. It gets easier if you are challenged or feel that you have decided to do it on your own.
- The fourth type is the Obliger, this is the person who functions more so on the rules of others and has a hard time creating rules for themselves. So they wake up thinking, “what am I supposed to do today?”
Pinpoint your Style
None of these types are bad or good. You may find yourself feeling like at times you’re on an extreme end of one of the types and if so it’s a great insight. But what this is meant to do is give you a pinpoint of how and why you function within expectations, which leads to your attitude about creating new habits.Know How you are Motivated
If you’re a person who loves expectations and following them then you’re going to like the idea of habits. If you’re a rebel you may not feel like you want to jump into creating new habits, but if you see a habit as something you are choosing to do. For a rebel, setting a new habit might be done as a matter of choice or the result of a challenge. A little self knowledge can give you insight on how you are motivated toward creating habits for success. So the way we respond to rules might be helpful in setting a habit.- If you are an upholder do it because you like habits, routines and rules.
- As a rebel challenge yourself or make a habit of your own choice.
- If you are a questioner, make sure the habit makes sense to you.
- As an obliger, do it to give you self-determined purpose. Get someone else on board to keep accountable.
- Have some backup and support for the goal.
Habits and Routines
So when your routine changes as the kids get more independent, this is a great time to look and see if the habits you have are still working in your life or just filling time? Think for a minute about what you say to yourself when you wake up. Which group do you fall into in terms of responding to expectations? How could you be motivated to replace old habits? If in the past you got up and saw the kids and got them off to school and now they are off to college, of course it is a loss of routine. Do you find yourself a little out of sorts at that same time of day? What type of habit could you implement during this time? How have you made new habits to transition in the past? When my kids both reached the age where they were in the bus earlier, it was a little sad. I ended up using that hour before work to get some exercise and so that was my new way of filling that block of time. Plus, I felt better all day. It helped my attitude and lined up with my goals for a healthy lifestyle.Personal Growth Habits
What if the habits for success that we need to make involve steps to personal growth? In order to make career advancement or pursue a dream that we have long since put aside, we need confidence to “put ourselves out there” Have you ever been listening to a podcast or reading something, when you connect with it deeply? This morning, I was looking for information on google and after seeing a few different topics I ended up watching Brene Brown on you tube. I turned it off for a minute to dry my hair and checked my phone to see a text from my friend. It was a screen shot of a Brene Brown quote! This would be totally normal if we had been talking about it the day before or something like that! We had never had a conversation about Brene Brown ever. Both of us connected with things she said and her talk encouraged both of us. So I read the quote she sent me and forgot it was a screenshot as I tried to hit follow on the picture. I know…well I was excited!Showing up and Putting Yourself Out There
Even with intentional goal setting, it’s hard to make habits for success if we feel bad about ourselves. Brown talks about the need to be vulnerable and the fact that shame keeps us from showing up. Many times we think of fear as a reason for hiding who we are and what we have to say. Brown pinpoints it more directly as shame, a feeling of not being good enough, and not smart enough… Of course then, we don’t feel adequate to put ourselves out there. Do you avoid making new habits because of a fear of being vulnerable? Just being aware of old scripts and working to replace them with more positive thoughts can help!Visualize Habits for Success
The second way to create habits for success is through visualization. Mel Robbins explains that visualization happens in the part of the brain that filters what and how we think of things. Visualizing yourself successfully performing a task can actually help you to develop a skill. You may find yourself feeling like at times you’re on an extreme end of one of the types and if so it’s a great insight. But what this is meant to do is give you a pinpoint of how and why you function within expectations, which leads to your attitude about creating new habits.Ideas for New Habits
If you’re interested in joining a gym, spend 30 seconds every morning picturing yourself with the habit of going to the gym. Picture how you will look and feel when your clothes fit better. How will it feel to be in even better shape and reaching fitness goals? Robbins suggests this time visualizing yourself experiencing the feelings you will have when you reach the goal. She explains that this reprograms the filter in our brains for success. Visualization could also help you in the area of finances. For 30 seconds in the morning why not picture yourself transferring money each paycheck to your investment account. Even taking it a step further then visualizing making confident investment choices or taking a step to go see a financial adviser if you have felt uncomfortable doing so in the past. You’ll be more able to accomplish these tasks because your brain will set you up to know the feelings and thoughts that will go along with them and to help you to actually carry through the task. Make a visualization board for inspiration. Use pictures to represent new habits and the feelings you will have when you have implemented it! Here’s an example, I put the beach in the background to make visualizing a good feeling easy! If you are ready to make some new routines, check out one of my posts for new routines: Clean out the closet, How to have Pretty Natural Nails, Vacation Travel Packing and Build Confidence!Easy Formula to create habits for success!
Use my ARISE formula to remember your habit making steps:)- Acknowledge that habits get us through the day. They seem intimidating to create at first, but think of how many you already have.
- Realize that it is much better to replace a habit, than to try to break the habit altogether. Aim for getting the same reward from the new habit!
- Identify how you react to expectations and use those guidelines to motivate yourself!
- See yourself with the new habit and how it will feel to have that habit in place.
- Erase things that hold you back, lack of confidence, shame and guilt can all get in the way when we try to create new habits and routines! I know, erase is a strong word… it’s not instant, but scroll up if you skipped ahead, (I get it, I do it all the time!) It will help to be more aware of these issues.